It’s Not Just for Men Anymore

Matthew 5:27-30

 

Read Matthew 5:27 – 28

 

Ok...everybody knows the routine

  -I’m going to talk about lust, women, and adultery

     --you’re going to be uncomfortable at best, probably convicted if

         honest, while some may be downright ticked off

  -I’m going to tackle an unpopular subject because, well, Jesus does

     --you’re going to squirm, look at the floor, and pray your spouse

         doesn’t ask you any awkward questions on the way home

  -I’m also going to tell you about grace

     --but chances are you will only hear legalism

  -and ladies...I’m talking primarily to you this morning

 

See here’s the thing:  normally we get to a text like this and guys

  think, “Oh, man, here we go again.”

   -but we men are used to this...we hear this stuff at Promise

      Keepers...we read in our manly man devotions...we’re taught

      about it in SS, DT, and in the occasional Sunday morning sermon

        --most of us can spell “lust,” define it, use it in a sentence, and

             even cite its language of origin

               ---we know this stuff forward and backward, inside and out

        --and guys—tell the truth—most of us have our defense

            mechanism already set on ‘auto pilot’

              ---so when the speaker utters the word “lust” we have a

                    strategy to counteract anything thrown at us

                      ----it usually involves something like:

                             -----rationalizing lust as “no harm, no foul”

                             -----justifying it...“I’m a guy.  It’s what we do.”

                             -----blame-shifting...“If her legs weren’t so long and

                                     her shorts so short” or “I like to look at women.

                                     It’s not my fault God made me this way.”

                             -----minimizing...“I’m not buying, I’m just looking.”

                             -----and the list goes on and on

 

But ladies, many of you don’t have those pre-fabricated shields to

  deflect the power of God’s Word and the work of the Holy Spirit

    -and some of you are offended that I would dare mention “it” and

       “you” in the same sermon, much less the same sentence!

         --and if you’re familiar enough with Bible study, you could try the

            “non-applicability defense”...which sounds something like this:

            “A careful reading of the passage in question clearly shows

             Jesus is addressing men, and men only, as well as their

             wandering eyes that just may need to be plucked out.”

               ---nice try

         --granted, Jesus does say “anyone who looks at a woman

              lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart”

                ---but your interpretation principle doesn’t hold water

                      ----Jesus specifically refers to men when He gives the

                             full meaning to murder (in vv. 21-22), to divorce (in

                             vv. 31-32), and to loving your enemies (vv. 43-45)

                               -----but you would be hard-pressed to find any

                                       serious student of the Bible who would say

                                       these commands apply only to men

    -ladies, you simply don’t get off the hook that easily

       --the reality is that lust is a genuine temptation...an actual sin...

           and bona fide problem for women...even Christians

 

When we typically think of lust, we picture a middle-aged man driving

  down the road when he passes by an attractive, young woman

  jogging in form-fitting shorts and one of those mid-riff tank tops

    -while he’s trying to get a good second look at her in his rearview

       mirror, he runs up on the curb, into a telephone pole...and has to

       come up with a pretty good explanation to tell the police, CMU,

       his insurance agent, and his wife

         --that’s lust, all right...it’s pathetic, sinful, and extremely common

 

But ladies, you probably don’t do that kind of stuff

  -sure, you might harmlessly think, “He’s kinda’ cute.” but that’s when

     your two-year-old starts screaming and jolts you back into reality

       --and, frankly, women are not the least bit attracted to men by

           sight to the same degree than men are drawn to women

             ---which explains why men are far more likely to watch

                 explicit videos, view pornography, and frequent adult clubs

  -again, because you ladies rarely struggle with these particular

     temptations, it’s therefore easy to think that lust isn’t a problem

       --allow me to describe another pattern of behaviors that you may

           be caught up in...a pattern that appears innocent, but in

           actuality it is far more subtle and therefore even more

           dangerous than the guy who fails to keep his eyes on the road

             ---it’s a story that may be disturbingly familiar

                  ----it goes a little something like this...

 

You were deeply in love when you said, “I do” at the altar.  Your husband was kind, sensitive, and strong.  You fully expected him to meet your need for companionship, as well as for all your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs.

 

As weeks and months turn into years...as careers are being built...as children begin to dominate your time and attention...you find you and your husband have drifted apart.  It’s certainly not an intentional thing.  You’re sure you still love him, but something’s changed.  There’s still the occasional physical intimacy, but there’s little, if any, emotional intimacy...at least not like before.

 

And that’s when “he” shows up, perhaps in a novel, on a television show, or on the internet.  He may be your friend’s husband, your husband’s friend a man at work, or even a man at church.  He may or may not be real.  Sometimes the “not real” man is even more powerfully seductive.

 

This man, who is either real or merely real in you mind, sweeps you off your feet.  Oddly enough, he may not be especially attractive—that’s not what caught your attention.  He respects you.  He listens.  He makes you feel intelligent...valuable...special.  He laughs at your jokes...and he makes you laugh.  You can confide in him...and soon he knows secrets no one else knows.

 

And it’s not that your husband is a total loser, but he has so many responsibilities at work and church and the golf course.  This other man, though, he always has time for you...time to hear about your day...to take a walk...to phone...to write...to dream aloud together. 

 

Eventually, after enough deluded justification, you convince yourself that not only should you be happy, you have the right to be happy, and, in fact, God desires for you to be happy.  You rationalize:  this man must be God’s will.  He is God’s gift to you, His reward to you for enduring your bland, boring, ordinary husband for so many years. 

 

Whether or not this man actually exists in reality...

Whether or not you actually know this man...or ever meet him

Whether or not you are ever sexually intimate...Jesus makes it

  uncomfortably clear that you have committed adultery in your heart

 

These are difficult words, I understand, and they do apply to guys, too

  -I don’t share them with any sense of satisfaction or joy—trust me

     --but I need to continue by asking a few tough questions

          ---is that your story?

          ---have you been flirting?

          ---if no one else has already come up with this, I want to coin

               the phrase “passive flirting”

                 ----that’s when you’re not so much doing the flirting, but

                        you are allowing it, maybe even encouraging it

                 ----that way, you rationalize, he’s the one who’s doing the

                        flirting—you get all the pleasure and none of the guilt

                          -----and you end up luring someone else into the

                                  lethal trap of lust

          ---have you found yourself fantasizing about someone whose

                name isn’t on your marriage license?

          ---have you been rationalizing, justifying, minimizing your sinful

                thoughts and behaviors?

 

The way out of this pit isn’t promising God you’ll never fall into it again

  -the solution isn’t developing a list of self-imposed, external rules

     --remember, Jesus’ emphasis in this first section of the Sermon on

         the Mount is a focus on our internal life...not the mere, to-the-

         letter-of-the-law, religious rule following

  -the solution isn’t tearfully walking to the altar to pray at the end of

     the service—that may be what you should do, but that in and of

     itself isn’t the key to getting your life and heart right with God

 

Confess—agree with God that you are sinning

  -Read 1 John 1:5 – 2:2

 

Confess—accept the truth that without God, you are totally helpless

  -Read Romans 7:14b – 25  [in The Message]

 

Repent—turn away from your sin, turn to God

  -allow me to paraphrase 2 Corinthians 7:8 – 10a à  Even if I

     caused you sorrow by my message, I do not regret it.  Though I

     did regret it—I see that my message hurt you, but only for a little

     while—yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry,

     but because your sorrow led you to repentance...Godly sorrow

     brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret...

 

Trust—it’s God’s grace alone that gives you an unmerited 2nd chance

  -Read Romans 3:22 – 24 and Romans 5:6 – 8

 

Obey—following Christ’s commands isn’t an attempt to earn His love

  or His forgiveness...rather it’s our response to the love and

  forgiveness He has already given us

    -Read Matthew 5:29 – 30

      --does Jesus want us to pluck out our eyes and cut off our hands?

           ---let me answer that with another question:  if I were to gouge

                 both of my eyes out, making myself completely blind,

                 would that resolve my battle with lust?

                   ----a well-respected theologian of the 2nd and 3rd centuries

                          took Jesus’ words literally and emasculated himself

                            -----trust me—it did not prevent temptation or sin

      --so what’s Jesus’ rather graphic point?

           ---as a forgiven child of God, as an act of loving obedience,

                 you and I must take intentional steps to remove anything

                 that may be leading us to sin...for example...

                   ----simply stop the flirting...yours and/or someone else’s

                   ----regularly open your computer to at least one person...

                          including your browsing history and email

                   ----if you are married, invest your time and energy into

                          your spouse instead of another inappropriate

                          relationship

                   ----today end any relationship that is out of bounds—and

                          you know in your heart if it’s out of bounds...basically,

                          if you are questioning it, then it needs to end now

 

Just remember—those intentional steps must follow the heart work

 God needs to do through your confession, repentance, and trust

   -if you try to short-circuit the process, you’ll continue to live in the pit

 

One final word:  Jesus’ stern warnings about judgment and hell are

  real...they’re not there just to get our attention (although they should

  do that)...more than that, they are words of grace, because they are

  words of truth, spoken in love to you and me