Sticks and Stones...(and other lies)

Ephesians 4:29

When we are children we hear all sorts of lies about life and reality

-some we believe simply because we are children

-some we don’t believe because we’re children

-some we pretend to believe simply to humor our parents

But there’s one lie we’ve all heard...and it’s one we actually want to

believe is true...it’s one we may have even said in a vain attempt to

convince ourselves that it just might be true, but sadly our

experience confirms it’s simply a flat-out lie

-you know it well...“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but

words can never hurt me.”

The Bible knows it’s a lie, too

-Proverbs 12:18 à Reckless words pierce like a sword...

-Proverbs 18:21 à The tongue has the power of life and death

Eric Idle puts it this way à Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

-we laugh because we know it’s true

--I know, there are some tough guys (and girls) who are going to

protest and say that world is a mean place and that you can’t

rely on other people to feed your need for self-esteem

--I also realize there are some truly spiritual people who are

going to protest and say that the only opinion that matters is

Christ’s and it’s what He says about you that defines you

---if that describes you—terrific—and I’ll even admit that you

are right...but you still need to listen for the next few

moments because the words you speak do have a

tremendous impact on the vast majority of people

James knew it when he wrote what Tim read earlier from James 3

Solomon knew it when he wrote those two proverbs

Paul knew it when he wrote our Scripture text for today

Read Ephesians 4:22 – 32 (or through 5:2, 4)

One of the marks of authentic Christian community is we are being

transformed into people who are more and more like Jesus

-that means we’re not supposed to do the things we used to do

-we’re not supposed to think the things we used to think about

-and our focus for this morning: we’re not supposed to talk the way

we used to talk

--now immediately some of you are thinking that means we’re

not supposed to cuss or tell dirty jokes—and while that is

true—there’s more to it

---Paul touches on several different issues here, but we’re

going to focus on those verses that deal with our speech

One of the ways we can hurt people with our words is by telling a lie

-look at v. 25 again

**how many of you have been hurt by someone else’s lies?

-and it doesn’t matter if you believe you’re telling the truth...you are

totally responsible for what you say, so you’d better be sure your

words are accurate

-many of us rationalize our lies by arguing that we’re trying not to

hurt someone’s feelings

--that sounds nice on the surface, but truth must always the

foundation, the minimum standard for our speech

-this means that insincere flattery is a sin...and it means that untrue

compliments (even with good intentions) must be avoided, as well

--so before we speak, we must first ask ourselves: “Am I

confident that what I am about to say is true?”

Another factor in our speech is anger

-we don’t have time to explore all the Bible says about anger, so

we’re going to settle for what is said here, in the context of our

new life in Christ and, specifically, regarding our speech

--Read vv. 26-27

-here’s what we’re taught

--some anger is sinful (I’d say “most”); some is not

--we must quickly resolve the issue that is causing our anger

--we must be careful not to allow our anger to lead to greater sin

-while this does not specifically say anything about our words, it’s

only logical for us to draw some conclusions from these warnings

--when we are angry we have the potential of creating

tremendous damage

----Proverbs 29:22 à An angry man stirs up dissension,

and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.

--anger often leads us to say things we don’t necessarily mean

and usually (if not always) leads us to say something we regret

-James 1:19 – 20 à ...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to

speak, and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring

about the righteous life that God desires.

**have you spoken in anger and later wished you’d kept silent?

**have you ever spoken in anger and later thought, “Wow, that

sure did turn out well!”?

**have you been hurt by words spoken in anger?

-why would we, who are sincerely trying to be like Christ, take such

a risk?

Before we speak, then, we must now ask ourselves two questions:

-is what I am about to say true?

-is what I am about to say being spoken in anger?

Verse 29 picks back up on the theme [Read]

-there are two instructions packed in this verse

--first: no unwholesome talk

---other translations show us the nastiness of the word sapros:

corrupt, putrid, foul, evil, harmful, dirty, abusive

---perhaps the best rendering is the word “putrid”...in Matthew

7.17 it refers to rotten fruit and in Matthew 13.48 it describes

spoiled fish

----our conversation should never be described by that kind

of language

----Jesus spoke words that weren’t always popular...He

said things that made other people angry...but His

speech could never be criticized as being vile or putrid

--the second command: our speech must only include that which

is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it

may benefit those who listen

I want to spend a few moments here because this is big

-the NIV is correct to include the word only

--and if you think about this at all you’ll quickly realize that if you

and I actually obey this command, we wouldn’t have a lot to say

---imagine how much your cell phone usage would drop!

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, has lectured throughout this country on the powerful, and often negative, impact of words. He asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, another person. Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands, signifying “yes.” Others laugh, and quite a large number call out, “no!”

Telushkin responds: “Those who can't answer ‘yes’ must recognize that you have a serious problem. If you cannot go 24 hours without drinking liquor, you are addicted to alcohol. If you cannot go 24 hours without smoking, you are addicted to nicotine. Similarly, if you cannot go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you have lost control over your tongue.”

That’s not a very pleasant way to think of this—is it—as an addiction?

-but the good rabbi is right

--our speech is often so wrapped up in expressing critical,

demeaning, negative thoughts about or to others that we

seriously would not know how to behave if we’d stop

---think how your everyday conversation would be transformed

---imagine how your office or your lunch table would change

---and I wonder how many people would notice that you are

talking just like they’d always thought Jesus would speak

----and isn’t that sort of the point?

---and then take that a step further and imagine an entire

community of believers who love and live in such a way

that they reflect the heart of Christ?

----would that church be noticed in its larger community?

----would they inspire other churches to follow suit?

----would it be a congregation in which you’d feel safe?

----would the atmosphere in that church be so radically

different from the rest of the world that it truly would

be a small part of heaven on earth?

The cynic in you is likely saying that you, as one person, couldn’t

make that much of an impact—I disagree

-first of all, your impact on others isn’t the point—your obedience to

God is

-secondly, when you kindly refuse to join in those conversations or

you intentionally change the tone of a conversation, others will

notice and they’ll likely feel pretty uncomfortable continuing as is

Our pre-speaking question total is now up to three

-is what I am about to say true?

-is what I am about to say being spoken in anger?

-is what I am about to say helpful?

Do you see how our conversations would dramatically change?

-but there’s even more...a critical word toward the end of v. 29...

do you see it?

--it’s the word needed

-you can get some comments to pass the first three questions, but

if what you’re about to say isn’t necessary...then you need to

remain silent

There’s question number four for us

-is what I am about to say necessary?

I want to summarize the next three verses before we close

-notice v. 30...how in the context of our speech, we’re reminded that

our sin grieves the Holy Spirit

-next, in v. 31, sinful speech is linked to a host of related sins

--can you see how they’re connected?

---do you know someone who’s been the victim of such sin?

----if so, you know how destructive they can be...and why

there is no place for them in the church...and no place

for them in any believer’s life

-and we’ll pick up our fifth and final question from v. 32

--is what I am about to say kind?

Why is all of this so important...they’re just words, right?

-words—just words—can destroy authentic Christian community

-words—just words—can destroy relationships

-words—just words—can destroy Christian witness

-words—just words—can destroy another person’s reputation

-in fact, words—just words—can destroy another person

And words, more so than you and I will ever imagine, reflect the true

condition of our hearts...and if that doesn’t wake you up and convict

you, then I don’t know what will

-listen to Jesus...Read Matthew 12:33 – 37