A Brief Theology of Friendship
Romans 16:3 – 16
Our Scripture for this morning may not appear to be the most
inspirational text in the Bible
-in fact, if I’ve read it at all, I’ve always skimmed over Romans 16
just like it’s one of those endless Old Testament genealogies
-but while I was writing the Fellowship Night Devotion for next
Sunday I slowed down enough to read through these names and,
more importantly, how Paul describes each of them...just listen...
...my
fellow workers in Christ Jesus
...they
risked their lives for me
...my
dear friend
...who
worked very hard
...whom
I love in the Lord
...our
fellow worker in Christ
...my
dear friend
...tested
and approved in Christ
...those
women who work hard in the Lord
...my
dear friend
...another
woman who has worked very hard in the Lord
...who
has been a mother to me
...brothers
Paul’s just written 15 chapters of the most profound theological truths
ever penned, such unforgettable verses as...
-the wages of sin is death, but the gift of
God is eternal life
-God demonstrates His own love for us in
this: while we were still
sinners, Christ died for us
-God causes all things to work together for
the good for those who
love Him and
who are called according to His purpose
--yet this superhero Christian concludes his inspired theological
treatise with what sounds like a bunch of postcards
---“remind Ampliatus that I love him as a brother”
---“give Rufus’ mom a big hug for me”
---“‘miss y’all. ‘hope to see you soon”
----not exactly literary genius at work
-okay, so chapter 16 of Romans isn’t as “deep” as the first fifteen
chapters—but don’t make the mistake of dismissing it as totally
irrelevant for us because in it...
--we learn about the valuable role of women in the church
--we see an example of how people from across all economic,
social, educational, and ethnic lines come together to be an
authentic, Christian community
--and for our purposes this morning, we discover that it doesn’t
matter who you are—even if you are the Apostle Paul—no
one is so good that he/she doesn’t need good friends
Remember that’s kinda’ the main point of this entire sermon series
-God did not create us to do this Christianity-thing alone
--we need other people to help us in our journey of faith
---Paul
mentions 24 – 25 people by name in
in
addition to his close friends in other cities, like
----he mentored young pastors like Timothy and Titus
----he had mission partners like Luke, Barnabas, and Silas
--and not only do we need other people, we need to be needed
---each week in this series I’ve said, “You need the church and
the church needs you.”
----I’ve said it not only because I believe it and because it
sounds good, but also because it’s true
-yes, I understand that church membership, per se, isn’t in the Bible
--but I’ll tell you what is in the Bible—a commitment to a local body
of believers...a public confession that says, “I can’t do this on
my own, folks; I’m going to need some help...and I’m going to
need to help some of you. So I will identify myself as one of
you...and you all will be one with me...all part of one body...for
better, for worse...for richer, for poorer...in sickness, and in
health... ‘til death or relocation do us part. I’m not going to give
up on you when things don’t go my way...and I expect you not
to give up on me when I go the wrong way. I need you to help
me get going the right direction. So we’re stuck with each
other...out of choice, out of necessity, and out of love.”
I won’t try to make church membership and Christian friendship out to
be this wonderful, all-inclusive, meet-my-every-need relationship
-we are all smart enough to know better than that
-as Ben Patterson observed, “Friendship in the church is like
porcupines in a snowstorm. We need each other to keep warm,
but when we get too close we stick each other.”
--despite the potential pain, we need friends anyway
God has blessed me with many incredible friends in this church
-I’ve been thinking this week about how they have taught me what
true friendship is all about
--I’ve written down some thoughts, some lessons...what I’ve been
shown by them, what the Bible reveals, and who I want to be
Friends share life
The least impressive, but perhaps the most important, thing a friend
does is simply share life
-a friend takes you to the doctor so you don’t have to go alone
-a friend is who you call when you run out of gas 2 miles from town
-a friend helps you move...takes you out to eat to celebrate or to
comfort you after a bad break-up
--these aren’t heroic deeds...they’re just part of living life
Friends allow us to give
Acquaintances are usually uneasy about letting us do for them...
friends, on the other hand, know there is beauty in giving—and they
understand that for you to give, they have to receive
-so they’ll take you up on your offer to help...and while this sounds
easy, it may be one of the most challenging tasks a friend will
face because it sometimes requires swallowing some pride
Friends protect us
This plays out in a couple of ways
-they protect our reputation
--Proverbs 17:9 à He who
covers over an offense promotes
love, but whoever repeats the matter
separates close friends.
---that’s not to say that a friend overlooks sin—not at all—but a
friend will stand up for you, even if she has to stand alone
-a friend also protects us from straying off the path
--James 5:19 – 20 à ...if
one of you should wander from the truth
and someone should bring him back,
remember this: Whoever
turns a sinner from the error of his
way will save him from death
and cover over a multitude of sins.
---the accountability of a friend is invaluable
---one author compares this aspect of friendship to the tires
that lie along the edges of a go-kart track...they won’t keep
you from crashing, but they will keep you from careening
off the track and into a tree
Friends encourage
-friends help us bear our burdens
--Galatians 6:2 à Carry
each other’s burdens, and in this way
you will fulfill the law of Christ.
--illustration of a semi- carrying a concrete-and-steel bridge span
---the only thing that connects the truck and the trailer is the
load they both share
--listen, pray, walk with us, are present during uncomfortable times
---Proverbs 17:17 à A
friend loves at all times, and a brother
is born for adversity.
----growing up, I always thought that last part meant that
brothers cause adversity...but instead it means that
God gives us friends and brothers and sisters to help
us through tough times
Sue Brown is someone who has been through her share of tough
times...some of those are the consequences of other people’s sin...
some of them are the consequences of her own
-through all of those times she has found that God has blessed her
with amazing churches full of incredible friends
--I’ve asked her to take a few moments and tell you about some
of them herself
***Sue***
As Sue has experienced time and time again...true friends are
friends even when friendship is hard work
-they aren’t afraid to ask the tough questions
-they help us see our shortcomings...even when we’re in no mood
--Proverbs 27:6 à Wounds
from a friend can be trusted...
-they help us grow
--Proverbs 27:17 à As iron
sharpens iron, so one man
sharpens another.
Along these lines, let me mention two more characteristics of
friendship within authentic Christian community
Friends help us remember who we are
- in her book, Mudhouse Sabbath, Lauren Winner writes about her
fiancé’s
grandfather, Dr. Gatewood à Griff’s grandfather...will
tell you that his wife, who died a few
years ago, was a beautiful
woman, but he does not remember many of
the details of their life
together, or
even of his life last week. This loss of
memory is,
of course, hard
and sad and bitter for everyone who knows him.
But it is eased a bit because [he] lives
in a community that
remembers for him...A few years ago, Dr.
Gatewood told Griff that
he loved a woman
I’ll call Miss B....whom he has known forever,
though he cannot recall her name...I
wondered how someone
could be in love with a woman whose name
he could not
remember.
But when I...saw [them] together, his love for her
made sense. Miss B., I’m sure, is interesting and
charming in her
own right, but she is also a part of the
community that remembers
...many of the things he would remember
if he could. His love for
her makes sense
because it is a love played out against this
backdrop:
They have loved the same things and people their
whole adult
lives, and Miss B. remembers who Dr. Gatewood is.
Sometimes we need to be reminded who we are...and Whose we are,
who we are in Christ, who we are as part of an authentic Christian
community...because sometimes, frankly, we forget
-perhaps because of age or disease or depression or struggle with
with sin we sometimes forget the important stuff...stuff like...
--that we are not defined by our sin or by our mistakes—that’s
not who we are...if we belong to Jesus Christ then our identity
is indelibly and forever linked with Him
Two weeks ago I mentioned the act of grace that involves us simply
seeing someone...of noticing them, truly seeing them and their
need, listening to them, getting involved, and being a true friend
-the Jewish Talmud tells of a Rabbi who sees a blind man carrying
a torch at night
--“Why,” the Rabbi asks, “do you carry that torch? With or
without it, you cannot see a thing!”
---“True enough,” replied the man, “but as long as I carry
this torch, other people can see me.”
All around us are people desperate for someone to see them
-Read Luke 7:36 – 47a
--the religious leader didn’t see the woman—he saw her past, her
reputation, her sin—only Jesus was
able and willing to see her