How (and why) Do I Love Her?
John 13:34-35
Isn’t it funny how people routinely give utterly useless advice?
-I realize they do it because they truly want to be helpful, but they
simply don’t know what to say
--and that’s where I found a bit of humor
Here are a few examples of well-intentioned, but not-so-helpful
advice that we’ve all heard...and probably given
*Drive safe—really? Cause I was thinking about driving recklessly
*Don’t fall off that ladder—uh, thanks for the reminder
*Don’t hurt yourself—aw, why not?
*Sleep well—well, there go my plans for tossing and turning all night
*Oh, don’t be sad...don’t be afraid...don’t cry—gee, thanks, now I
feel so much better!
*Make yourself at home—are you sure? You might want to rethink
that one because when I’m at home I belch, I eat the last piece of
pie, and occasionally I walk around the house in my underwear
Even Jesus is guilty of throwing out advice that’s so generic that it’s
rendered pretty much worthless
-in John
13 à A new
command I give you: Love one another.
--I wonder if, for an instant, the disciples were thinking:
---first of all, Jesus, that command is thousands of years old,
so it’s not like this is exactly “new”
---and secondly, could You be more specific about what You
mean by “love one another”?
-telling a bunch of men to love each other is about as vague and as
pointless as telling a roomful of 3-year-olds to “play nice”
--good try...but let’s see how far that gets you
Love each other...man, that’s good stuff in theory
-but just try putting that into practice in the local church
--that’s where this whole “love one another” thing is about as
effective as
Rodney King asking the people of
we all just get along?”
-again, nice try, but we are talking about the church...and we all
know that it’s not always pretty
The local church has been a big part of my life for 33 years
-thanks to college, the Air Force, and seminary, I have been a
member of a local church in five different states
-I have served as Sunday School teacher, Sunday School Director,
VBS Director, choir member, deacon, youth minister, and pastor
--I have been an official church ministry staff member for the last
14 years
-I have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of the Church
--I’ve been loved and loving... frustrated and frustrating...failed and
failing...encouraged and encouraging...angered and the cause
of anger...supported and supporting...nurtured and nurturing...
hurt and hurtful...I’ve been disappointed...and I’ve been
disappointing to many people
---after 33 years, I’m still here
---I love the Church—I truly do—but there are some days when
I sure don’t like her very much
That’s pretty tough for you to hear...and for me to say—after all, I am
convinced it is my God-given calling to serve Him in and through the
local church
-honestly there are days I wish He would change His mind and
make me a professional baseball player...or writer...or comedian
--but since He hasn’t yet, I plan to hang around another day
-today won’t be the day I’ll give up on the Church
--I can’t make grand promises about tomorrow, but today I know
First, at least for me personally, I’ve got to confess that Jesus’
command to love each other isn’t terribly realistic
-I want to love people who are like me...and who like me
--I want to love people who think I’m “it” and “special” and pretty
much “God’s gift” to this church and community
--I want to love people who think like me...who share the same
interests and viewpoints
--I want to love people who play a good game of ping pong, but
not too good
-but the church doesn’t afford me those indulgences...the reality is:
--there are people in this church who dream about the good ol’
days when you-know-who was pastor...and there are those
who find a great deal of comfort in knowing they will outlast me
---and I’m supposed to love them?
--there are people in this church who disagree with me about
politics, the death penalty, the 4th Commandment, the end
times, Bible translations, music, and the Cardinals
---and I’m supposed to love them?
--there are people who can’t play ping pong worth a lick...and
there are many people who shame me into submission
---and I’m supposed to love them?
--I mean, look around—it doesn’t take a demographic genius to
figure out how different we are from one another
---literally nine days old to ninety-something
---unemployed to successful professional
---barely making it on Social Security to comfortably retired
---8th grade education to doctorate
---spiritually lost...spiritually immature...spiritual giants
---and that’s barely scratching the surface!
----and we’re supposed to “love one another”?
Go to a pastors’ convention and you’re likely to hear someone say,
“Church would be great if it weren’t for all the people.”
-it’s an old line...spoken with a little tongue in cheek...and spoken
with more than a little truth
--what’s the problem with people in the church?
---let me suggest a few issues that plague every church I’ve
been part of...and to some degree have kept that
congregation from filling its role in the Kingdom
----toddler syndrome (a/k/a selfishness)...my way or else
-----1 Corinthians 13:5 à love is not self-seeking
----lemons (a/k/a bitterness)...I refuse to let it go
-----Ephesians 4:31 à Get rid of all bitterness...
----turbo mouth...I simply don’t know when to shut up
-----Ephesians 4:29 à Do not let any unwholesome
talk come
out of your mouths, but only what is
helpful for
building others up...
----upside-downers...I care passionately about things that
really don’t matter, often at the expense of people
who do matter
----Galatians 5:18 à It is
fine to be zealous,
provided
the purpose is good...
--and Jesus wants me to love all of them? the toddlers? the
lemons? the turbo mouths? the upside-downers?
When you’ve been part of the church as long as I have been, some
experiences tend to repeat themselves
-new church members, new pastors, and new church staff
members share one thing in common—excitement
--we often call this time of sweet bliss, “the honeymoon”
---everything is dandy—the sermons are fresh, deep, and
creative...new ideas are bounced around like a badminton
birdie...there is an abundance of laughter and smiles
--those initial conversations go well...friendships develop...God-
sized visions are exchanged...talk is peppered with one
compliment after another...hope springs eternal in those days
-then something happens—not always, mind you—but enough
that I’ve noticed the pattern in many churches, with many
pastors, and countless people in the pews
--I need to acknowledge Michael Spencer for helping me see
some of these patterns in my own life and ministry
You spot a book in my study by a particular author who is known for
his liberal leaning, his fundamentalist leaning, or whatever
-the point is he’s leaning and you don’t like it...and you assume I
must lean the same way
I don’t use your favorite Bible translation, so it’s not really God’s Word
My once-creative sermons have become mundane and you-know-
who is no longer being “fed”
I don’t do intensive, pressure-packed invitations that really bring ‘em
down the aisle...so therefore I must not care about winning the lost
We don’t do things like the church where you grew up...the church
you came from...the growing church in the city...or Rick Warren’s
church...and you are convinced if we only would do this one, Spirit-
ordained program, then you could turn this church around
I don’t jump up and down about the hottest children’s ministry or the
latest evangelism program produced by Lifeway, so therefore I must
be closed-minded, dictatorial, and clearly unconcerned about kids
and those in our community who are going to hell
Our worship style reflects the diversity of our congregation...but it’s
inevitably too loud, too dead, too fast, too formal, too entertaining, or
just plain ol’ boring
And somewhere, relationships change
-there are no arguments, no knock-down-drag-out fights, no
business meeting showdowns that make the local paper
--just displeasure...discomfort...disrespect...disillusionment...
distance...dis-ease...and dis-grace
-and as bad as that is, what’s worse is that we all get comfortable
with it and wrongly assume that’s what the church is all about
--we divide and isolate ourselves over what we believe to be our
God-ordained stand for truth, justice, and the Baptist way...
when in fact it is nothing more than personal preference
It’s like 9 families going in with us to buy a pontoon boat...we figure
our summer schedules are so crazy that sharing won’t be a problem
-but it’s not long before “issues” arise
--Merrill’s
want to take it to southern
--the
Pitchfords claim they never got the message...and when the
--in an effort to reach some non-Christians at Farmers’ Electric,
the Parks invite some of Nolan’s co-workers who bring some
beer in their cooler...and the Aldens have a little hissy-fit
because their boat was bought to glorify Jesus and you just
can’t glorify Jesus if there are sinners on board
-the following winter, we all agree upon a reasonable and fair
solution: we will go to the marina, dismantle the boat, and give
each family a portion
--the Millers walk away with left pontoon; the Grozingers get the
right...the
settle for the canopy...the Pitchfords take the skis and the
kneeboard... the Parks end up with the blue Astroturf floor...
the Aldens take the fuel tank...the Quigley’s get the steering
wheel and the captain’s chair...the Owens’ get the ladder...
while we get stuck with the anchor
---the next summer Dave sits in the captain’s chair in his
driveway with the steering wheel in hand, thinking
something must be wrong
I’m not senile enough to believe the Church has ever been perfect
-the Bible tells us that even in the first-century church there were
liars and whiners, lawsuits, sexual immorality, legalism, and more
-I also know that diversity of thought and conviction can be healthy
--Christ calls us to unity, not conformity
---it is unity that should characterize a church
---conformity characterizes a cult
-still I can’t help but be convinced that the truth of Romans 8:16
must have some
impact on how we treat one another à The
Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit
that we are God’s children.
And what’s ironic (and tragic) is that often we love our enemies much
more than we do our sisters and brothers in Christ
-Christ paid too high a price for our unity for us to toss it aside so
casually
In standing up for ourselves...in defending our rights and our
individuality...we have chipped away at the one identifying mark of
what it means to be the church
-John
13:35 à By this
all men will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another.
--there it is again! love one another...great! super! thanks for
the advice, Jesus!
---but there’s something we’re missing...something that
changes everything...something that many of us
intentionally ignore
--if you think it’s bad enough that Jesus suggests that we love
one another, let me warn you that it gets much, much worse
I griped earlier about how useless Jesus’ advice is...well, I was wrong
-it’s not Dear Abby advice, but a clear command from God incarnate
-and Jesus is quite specific about how we are to love one another
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
How did Jesus love?
-without boundaries
-with overflowing grace and mercy
-without regard for race, nationality, gender, socio-economic level
-with no concern about how they could benefit Him
-patiently, sacrificially
-those who hated Him, rejected Him, killed Him
-those who were so radically different from Him...those who were
filled with sin and its effects...who spewed vile evil...or who
pretended to be oh, so holy
-those who didn’t want to be loved
And what, exactly, does that look like here at First Baptist?
We talk about TCWNOSA...it’s even on the back of our t-shirts
-we say, “We want to be The Church Where No One Sits Alone”
and that is fantastic—we want people to realize they are a part of
something larger than themselves...we want people to know
they are not alone...but that’s only a start
--we also need to be The Church Where No One...
---Suffers Alone
----1 Corinthians 12:26 à If one part [of the body] suffers,
every part suffers with it
---Serves Alone...we are eager to serve alongside one another
---Sings Alone...we worship together, singing the same songs
of praise to our same Three-in-One God
----Read Psalm 95:1-2, 6-7
---Shoulders a Burden Alone
----Galatians 6:2 à Carry each other’s burdens, and in this
way you will fulfill the
law of Christ.
---Stands Alone
----Matthew 12:25 à Every city or household divided
against itself will not stand.
Jesus says, “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”
-which means we can rightly say, “As I have loved the Church, so
you must love the Church.”
Read Ephesians 5:25-33
I often read this during weddings because it gives us foundational
teaching about the nature of genuine love
-husbands are to learn how to love their wives from the example of
Christ’s love for the Church
--marriages are to stay together despite emotional ups & downs
---the same is true in the Church
--marriages are to stay together even when it’s difficult and
even when the “feeling” of love is noticeably absent
---the same is true in the Church
--marriages are to stay together because it is right...because the
wife and husband would somehow be incomplete without
each other
---the same is true in the Church
Let’s say someone feels led by God to become part of our church
family...imagine if we continue with this marriage analogy to the
point of a marriage-like vow
-I, James, take you, Christ’s Church, to be
my Church as well,
to have and to hold from this day
forward, for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer, in sickness and
in health, to love and to
cherish, ‘til death do us part.
--and what if
the congregation replied, We take you,
our brother
in Christ, to have and to hold
from this day forward, for better,
for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, to
love and to cherish, ‘til death do us part.
Would belonging then mean more than having my name on the roll?
-would it mean more than membership in a club?
-would it mean that we would learn the true meaning of sacrificial,
unconditional, radical, extravagant love for people who aren’t
always so lovable?
--would it mean that we accepted our differences, thankful God
did not make us all alike, and we stop acting like a two-year-
old who believes her spiritual gift is demanding her own way
In the end, it’s not about my love for my Church...it’s about Christ’s
love for His Church...how He knows all her foibles, her pettiness,
and her sins...and He is hurt by every single one of them—but He
loves her anyway
-and He calls us, commands us to love her the same way
--can you say from your heart, “I do”???