Turning Sex Rightside-Up

Exodus 20:14

In his book, The Myth of the Greener Grass, Allan Petersen tells of a

group of a dozen married women having lunch together. One

woman asks, "How many of you have been faithful to your

husbands throughout your marriage?" Only one woman out of the

twelve raised her hand. At home that evening, one of the women

who had not raised her hand told her husband about the lunch, the

question, her reaction. "But," she quickly added, "I have been

faithful." To which her husband asks, "Then why didn't you raise

your hand?" His wife answered, “I was ashamed."

We might expect something like that in a high school locker room

when guys are desperately trying to impress their friends...but not

from married women

-isn’t it sad how reasonably intelligent, mature adults have difficulty

differentiating between truth and myth, between right and wrong,

and in the process have turned this whole sex-thing upside-down

-somehow, somewhere along the way we’ve lost the significance

of sex...of that wonderful God-given gift of intimacy between a

wife and a husband

--we’ve turned it into some crude exchange of bodily fluids often

devoid of love, commitment, or true intimacy

-I’m not surprised to see sex misrepresented on TV and in movies

--I don’t expect non-Christians to live by Christian standards

---what’s shocking, however, is when Christ-followers blur the

line between right and wrong...or erase the line altogether

-so it is important for us to examine some of the myths and the

lies...and hold them up to the light of Scripture

As we continue to make our way through the Ten Commandments,

we arrive today at number seven...found in Exodus 20:14

-in the original Old Testament language of Hebrew, this command

is just two words: No adultery

--in its most inclusive interpretation it means, “Don’t have sex

with anyone who’s not your spouse.”

-its simplicity is its beauty...no explanation, no examples or

illustrations, no sermonizing, no warnings

--it is plain: don’t do it

-perhaps the reason God doesn’t need to go into greater detail is

because this ancient Israelite community already knows the

consequences of adultery

--they had seen firsthand the devastation brought on by

unfaithfulness in marriage...no doubt they had witnessed

bloodshed when the guilty parties were discovered and out of

rage or revenge they paid for their sin with their lives

-it’s important to note here that God isn’t telling them something

that goes radically against their beliefs...it’s not like life was one

big orgy and everybody was cool with it

--no, even before this command was given, marriage was

already held in high esteem...in fact, marriage was

considered sacred—established and set apart by God

---all the way back in the second chapter of Genesis, God

makes it clear that a person’s marriage should be a

higher priority than any other human relationship

----a man will leave his father and mother will be united

with his wife and the two shall become one flesh

-when Moses comes down the mountain with the stone tablets, they

don’t read #7 and wonder, “What in the world is He thinking?”

--no, they weren’t surprised at all by this command...it merely

reinforces the truth they’ve known and tried to follow all along

That was then...and now we’ve kinda’ gone over the edge when it

comes to this stuff

-and in the meantime the church has either remained silent

-or we’ve pled ignorance...as if to suggest that the Bible doesn’t

talk about sex and good Christians have nothing whatsoever to

do with it...and we end up looking like a bunch of hypocrites or a

bunch of miserable Puritans

-or we’ve been so wishy-washy...trying to accommodate the en

vogue values that we’re afraid to call a lie for what it really is

For example, here’s one lie that’s currently popular: sex is nothing

more than a physical act

-the simple fact is that so much of what we see, hear, and

experience is sending this message that sex is merely something

physical...it’s no more meaningful than satisfying a hunger for

food, scratching an itch, or seeking warmth when we are cold

--but nothing could be further from the truth

Last Sunday we talked about the 6th Commandment: Don’t murder.

-I pointed out how human life has built-in value...not simply because

we are the most complex being God created, but we are created

in His image

--when we say or believe or behave as though sex is just a

physical act between two people, we’re essentially reducing

the value of human being to the level of animals

---as a rule, animals have sex because of a God-given

reproductive drive

-from the beginning, humans have been different

--listen to how The Message translates 1 Corinthians 6:15-17 à

There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much

spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The

two become one.' ...we must not pursue the kind of sex that

avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than

ever—the kind of sex that can never 'become one'

Have you ever seen the stuff that Paul Harvey advertises, JB Weld?

-JB Weld consists of two tubes of stuff...if you squeeze out a little of

each and let them sit, nothing happens

--but, if you mix them together, they can bond metal, wood,

plastic, just about anything

-apart, they do nothing...together, however, they are extremely

strong due to a chemical reaction that happens when they combine

Sex in a marriage relationship is kind of like that

-it solidifies two people into "one flesh," bonding them emotionally,

spiritually, psychologically, as well as physically

--the primary purpose of sexual intimacy in marriage is to solidify

and strengthen that bond

--it’s why Paul emphasizes the importance of enjoying this gift

---listen...again from The Message...Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-6

Is it a good thing to have sexual relations? Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, and the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.

Another incredibly popular myth is that you can have sex without ever

dealing with any consequences

-television shows like Friends, Sex and the City, Desperate

Housewives preach this message through plots that highlight the

characters’ sexual exploits and misadventures

--but the theme is consistent—any sex is better than no sex...

and there is no such thing as bad sex

-real life, however, tells a profoundly different story

Think about those you know...your friends...your parents...your

children...or other family members who have chosen to step outside

these God-given boundaries for their sexual intimacy

-how many times have you heard words like these?

--I just wasn’t thinking straight.

--I didn’t think anybody would ever find out.

--I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.

--I can’t just face my kids anymore.

--It seems like God is a million light years away.

--I never intended for it to turn out like this.

-how many marriages have been obliterated...how many men and

women have had their self-esteem and their identity and their

lives ripped to shreds...how many children have watched their

homes and their families torn from them

Parents, schools, even churches are quick to warn people about the

physical consequences of sex: pregnancy, disease, and so on

-but we rarely talk about the dangers of the spiritual, emotional,

and psychological consequences

--the shows we watch, the movies we see, the books we read,

and the advertising we're constantly exposed to—it all

depicts the illicit thrill of supposed sex with no consequences

-but sex without consequences is a lie...few people ever find the

courage to tell you the truth...and we’re foolish to fall for the lies

--Read Proverbs 6:24-35 from the NLT

There’s a third myth out there about sex—we have the right to try to

fulfill our desires regardless of the cost

-technically, the 7^th Commandment prohibits adultery—when a

married person has sexual relations with someone other than

his/her spouse

--other places in the Bible make it clear that sex between two

people who aren’t married to each other is always a sin

Many times people will try to justify or to excuse their sin by citing

their passion as the reason

-“We couldn’t help ourselves.”

-“We weren’t planning for it...it just happened.”

-“We’re in love—it’s only logical that we express it to each other.”

-“She is just so incredibly hot. One look at her in that dress and...”

The fallacy of that logic is that there are millions of people who enjoy

a fantastic sexual relationship with no one except their husband/wife

-there are millions of people who say “no” to sexual temptation

--contrary to popular belief, the sexual drive is not so

overpowering that we have no choice but to give in to it

-in fact, we have several physiological urges that are far stronger

than the desire to have sex...yet you and I have no problem

resisting those until an appropriate time and place

Regardless how strong your desire may be or how overwhelming the

temptation may seem, you’re never in a position where you must

give in to it

-1 Corinthians 10:13 à Remember that the temptations that come

into your life are no different from what others experience. And

God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so

strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted,

He will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.

--let me encourage you to read two biblical stories about sex

---read about Joseph and his boss’ wife in Genesis 39

---read about David and his neighbor in 2 Samuel 11-12

--you’ll find similar temptations, but vastly different responses

The number of lies goes on and on...these myths have made a

significant impression on all of us...even if we don’t believe them,

they often create just a little bit of doubt about the validity of God’s

commands and about His concern for us...after all, isn’t it God’s job

to take away everything that’s fun in life?

-the only way to turn our attitudes about sex rightside-up, is to

consider the entire truth about God, the Bible, and sex

Sex was God’s idea in the first place...He intentionally created us as

sexual beings

-He created our bodies so that all the parts fit just right

--and He made us so that sex would be pleasurable and fun

--you know, He could have made it so sex would be as enjoyable

as plucking your eyebrows or shaving...but He didn’t!!

-God gave us sexual desires...He created women to be beautiful

and desirable and men to be whatever men are to women

--as sexual creatures, it’s normal and right for you to have sexual

feelings...it’s how you react to those feelings that can get you

into trouble

The Bible actually has a lot to say about sex

-I’ve read a lot of Scripture this morning, but I’m only scratching the

surface...all you have to do is read the Old Testament to find

dozens of stories about how men and women have stumbled and

fallen when it comes to sex

--the New Testament doesn’t have stories, as such, but instead

focuses on the seriousness and the sacredness of sex

Sex is a lot like fire: it has great power

-in the right place and at right time and used right way, it is a good,

pleasurable, and wonderful gift

--outside of its proper boundaries, however it can cut loose with

an amazingly destructive force

--sex can be misused...it can be used to heap horrible pain on a

person, often on an innocent victim...sometimes it not only

ruins that person’s view of sex, sometimes it ruins their lives

One of the reasons God restricts sex to a marriage relationship is

because He understands its potential for real harm

-the sexual act makes us incredibly vulnerable...it opens us up to

the possibility of something beautiful, but also something that

can cause tremendous damage

--that’s exactly why God insists that it be used for the right

reasons...in a covenant relationship where there is

surrender, commitment, sacrificial/unconditional love, and

complete trust...those qualities do not and cannot describe

---an adulterous relationship with a co-worker

---a close friend “with benefits”

---someone you’ve just met at a party

Believe it or not, God’s commands are boundaries He’s established

to protect you and others

-you can easily find people who have crossed those boundaries

with their sexual relationship and who have deeply regretted it

-but I challenge you to find someone who waited to have sex until

she was married and later regretted not being sexually active

-I challenge you to find a guy who ran away from sexual temptation

like Joseph did and then later wished he would have given in

A message about sexuality cannot be complete without a final word

-make no mistake about the gravity with which God treats sexual sin

--there’s no doubt that the Bible speaks clearly on the subject

-realistically, however, there are dozens of people in a group this

size who have made major league mistakes

--if that describes you, God wants to speak a word to you this

morning—in fact, this word may be the very reason God led

you to be here today

---that word is grace...grace describes how God treats a

person who has sinned and who knows it...a person who

is emotionally and spiritually exhausted from carrying

around a horrible load of guilt from past sins...a person

who feels they’ve gone beyond the point of no return

--God offers forgiveness...not because you’re a good person, but

because you’re not...not because you’re worthy of His

forgiveness, but because you’re not...not because you’ve

worked hard to make yourself acceptable in His sight, but

because you’ve realized you can’t ever do that on your own

---grace is for people who’ve figured out they have no other

hope, no other future except in the arms of Christ